Vox Machina is determined to put an end to Hotis once and for all. To do that, they’ll need to make the dangerous trek through the Nine Hells. Did you start watching Critical Role at the Feywild arc and have no idea what’s going on? Forgotten the details of the Trial of the Take episodes? Curious about the Hells? We’ve got you covered. First, we have a link to our quote compendium about the Hells and Hotis. Second, below the cut we have a summary of the relevant information- spoilers abound! We’re going to largely steer clear of any speculation beyond the information that was laid out on Critical Role. Remember: the Nine Hells on Critical Role may have similarities and differences from the Nine Hells described in the DMG.Read More
Talks Machina 15 (0:38:32)
Brian: Should we have-- oh, I hate to do this to them, should we have CritRoleStats keep track of how many times Gil f***s someone or not?
Travis: Sure, yeah!
Matt: This is true; they don’t have enough to keep track of! Just throw more on the pile! I’m so sorry guys, I’m so sorry.
Brian: Andrew just threw a beer at the screen.
Gil: They’re five people, right?
Four, to be precise. Luckily, we have the most awesome volunteers in the world who stepped up to help us out! Updated to Episode 90.
Thanks to Alexandra, @ChrisVLinden, clefos, @dutchcritter, @EBalensuela, @fancynancypie, icecream-s-coops, @InvictusRob, @JacobSBrowning, @jgraveart, @Ju_Draakje, @_miss_maria_, mthwiz, @omrjeuss, Rosie-Lostbetweenthepages, @RowenaHighland1, soaringsparrows, Supertoasty, themeaningofnight, and zahra-hana for their work compiling this list!
- Times Gil’s Dice Helped: 25
- Times Gil’s Dice Hurt: 9
Vox Machina: Making country songs out of fiends, shop owners, and city guardsmen since 2012
- (0:03:43) Matt: It’s like one of those Magic Eye pictures.
- (0:05:30) Matt: It tied into The Dark Knight in that one.
- (0:06:50) Taliesin: I definitely get a “Ashley-as-the-Joker-threatening-the-city." Yeah, millions will die.
- (0:07:08) Taliesin: She’s like The Joker had a daughter with Krondor.
- (0:08:34) Sam: Fantastic Four!
- (0:08:37) Travis: Old Man Logan! [...] X-O Manowar!
- (0:32:36) Laura: What do your scrying eyes see, Keyleth?
- (0:33:11) Travis: He a Jolly Rancher in the belly of Craven Edge.
We've reached another milestone in Twitter followers: 15,000! Again, we are blown away, and offer our profound gratitude to the volunteers, artists, and other awesome members of the community who have helped us reach this many critters. We've got a number things planned to celebrate.Read More
This is our fiftieth Quick Answers post! We appreciate your enthusiasm and curiosity, Critters. Don't forget to check out our FAQ, Running Stats, Rankings, and Character Sheets. If you have other questions, you can use our new Contact form or Tumblr Ask.
Can you tell Matt and the cast that the numbers they said are wrong, so they can fix them?
We could, but we also prefer to lead by example and observe & record without interference. While they can throw our numbers off from time to time and have a drastic impact on the story, mistakes are part of the game, and the story goes the direction it goes. If the players want to contest or fix those, we’ll leave it up to them to do so. It’s their game and their story.
Well, can you at least publicly confirm said mistakes with us, so we can tell them to fix them?
See above about leading by example. We’re not going to publicize their mistakes. Think about how it would make you feel to have a stranger reprimand you for not using a particular character ability after your D&D game. Even if they meant it to be helpful, it comes across as invasive and nitpicky. When in doubt, err on the side of empathy and kindness!Read More
Beware the orca-strations of the gods! (Real Talk: the cheesiness of that pun almost caused a full-scale war between the CRStats team members.)
- (2:06:55) Liam: Enough about strawberry, how about RAW-berry?! Taliesin: Juice Springsteen!
- (2:12:48) Grog: Most rods are good close up.
- (2:37:00) Vex: Probably need to start studying Orcus as well. Grog: Why? Vax: Uh, Orcas. Orcas. After all of that undersea... Vex: All those killer whales. Vax: Struggles. Grog: Oh. Know our allies, yeah.
- (2:37:18) Percy: Let’s take our time before the orcas.
- (2:57:32) Grog: Because of my high OFF-ice, I will forgive this OFF-ense.
- (3:01:04) Percy: Happy rebirthday!
- (3:09:25) Laura: This is a journal! (pronounced as girl-nel)
Who stole the lodestones from the Kraken's lair? Vox Machina stole the lodestones from the Kraken's lair? Who me? Yes, you! Couldn't be! It's true!
- (0:04:40) Matt: I feel like that’s an opening act to Gaga’s next tour.
- (0:07:30) Matt: Me and Darrin DePaul are going to be guesting on Eric’s TBD RPG, the Doctor Who RPG.
- (0:10:10) Taliesin: Matt Key is going to be hosting, and he’s going to talk about his favorite thing in the world. Matt: Doctor Strange.
- (0:34:32) Matt: ...in a full-on princess carry.
- (1:41:32) Taliesin: Long may he reign. (Game of Thrones)
- (1:57:08) Liam: Eyes Wide Shut.
- (1:57:25) Taliesin: Like Labyrinth muppets, maybe.
- (2:04:41) Taliesin: This went FernGully so quickly! So FernGully!
- (2:05:13) Matt: As Grog forces himself to the front of the line, like palms a child, just pushes them back, like Old School.
- (2:06:55) Liam: Enough about strawberry, how about RAW-berry?! Taliesin: Juice Springsteen! (Picnicface) NSFW
- (2:20:09) Sam: He likes to watch! (Being There)
- (2:21:44) Matt: Doty slams into view, like some weird hype man. NSFW
- (2:22:10) Tary: Who me? Taliesin: Yes you. (“Who Stole the Cookies from the Cookie Jar?”)
- (2:30:58) Matt: And there, in a classic Michelangelo-style pose…
- (2:56:34) Ashley: Derka derka derka derka! (Team America: World Police)
- (3:01:06) Vax: And a very merry unbirthday to you as well. (Alice in Wonderland)
- (3:02:03) Matt: It’s a very Silmarillion-type dense, scattered notes.
- (3:09:25) Laura: This is a journal! (pronounced as girl-nel) (Wet Hot American Summer)
- (3:17:15) Sam: That’s amazing! Anastasia Steele fell in love with Christian Grey, just like that? (Fifty Shades of Grey) NSFWish
Thanks to @_lanternshark_ for this art piece!
- First Appearance: 88 Tangled Depths
- Armor Class 18
- Speed 20 ft., 60 ft. swimming
- Truesight 120 ft, Passive 14, Telepathy to 120 ft
- Immune to lightning, non-magical physical weapon damage
- Immune to frightened and paralyzed
- Legendary actions (NO legendary resistances)
- Suggested average, max HP: 472, 729
- 804 estimated total damage taken
- 374 estimated to tentacles
Taliesin: And I feel so useless.
Matt: Welcome to fighting a kraken, buddy.
Older than most mortals can fathom, the kraken is one of the few remaining creatures in the Monster Manual that, completely unmodified, can provide a terrifying, deadly challenge for even heavily seasoned adventurers. Originally bred for purpose in the war of the primordial titans, the krakens broke free. Dangerously intelligent and cunning, krakens ultimately exist to destroy, and tales of lost ships and destroyed seaside civilizations haunt seafarers and coastal dwellers alike.Read More
We’ve looked at the odds of Vax surviving a close brush with death while wearing the Deathwalker’s Ward before, and while advantage certainly helps, it obviously wasn’t enough to save him from the kraken. We decided to look at the probabilities of the exact series of events that occurred with Vax, Grog, and the kraken, starting from the tentacle and bite that knocked the champion of the Raven Queen out, just to see how likely this scenario was. Many, many thanks to anydice.com for the damage probabilities- that many dice gets complicated very quickly.Read More
Under the sea, under the sea, down where the tentacles are grabbin', ancient creatures are snackin', Beware Of The Kraken! Under the sea!
- (0:01:42) Liam: Liam Neesons. (Key and Peele)
- (0:02:00) Sam: I’m pretty sure that’s Voltron, guys.
- (0:21:07) Sam: *sings from The Little Mermaid* Marisha: *sing* We are the daughters of Triton! Travis: *sings* I want to be where the people are! [...] Taryon: Think of a spell where I can give you a clever rastafarian crab sidekick.
Vox Machina faces the daunting task of stealing from a Kraken…without disturbing said Kraken. Headmaster Uvenda, Heart of the Tides of the water tribe who would know more than anyone about the Plane of Water and the Kraken, gravely warned Vox Machina that to try to face a Kraken is folly. So, we’re going to approach this not as a preview to a battle, but through the lens of trying to avoid a battle with the pet of the Titans.Read More