Monster Analysis: Gelidon, the Nightmare in Ivory (Ancient White Dragon)

Monster Analysis: Gelidon, the Nightmare in Ivory (Ancient White Dragon)

Thanks to @runningcritter1 for this art piece!

  • First Appearance: 2-75 Rime and Reason

  • Armor Class 20

  • Speed 40 ft, 80 ft flying

  • Blindsight 60 ft, Darkvision 120 ft, Passive 23

  • Immune to Cold Damage

  • Legendary Actions, Legendary Resistances

  • Suggested Average/Max HP: 333, 504

White dragons may be least clever of their type, but their ferocity, unrelenting persistence, and perfect memory make them among the most feared hunters. They decorate their icy lairs with the trophies of those they fell. Coins, diamonds, magical items, anything of value is frozen in solid blocks of ice the dragon can easily bore through, but would take would-be thieves well over an hour to chisel to even touch. Bribes of any value are seen as a grave insult; why accept your piddling offer of platinum when they can just take it over your cold, dead body? That’s how they like it, after all.

This is the third white dragon we’ve seen on Critical Role. Half of Vox Machina took on a “mere” adult white dragon, which provided a very dangerous challenge to the party of five level 11 characters. Later, all of VM successfully battled an ancient white dragon. It had over 850 HP and required the assistance of a powerful fiend just to soften it up for a party of level 15 adventurers with a few Vestiges of Divergence and their own ancient dragon. Keep in mind that the suggested HP values are those presented by the Monster Manual; the dragons of Exandria are made of much tougher material.

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Monster Analysis: Yetis

Monster Analysis: Yetis

Thanks to @BlackSalander for this art piece!

  • First Appearance: 2-75 Rime and Reason

  • Armor Class 12

  • Speed 40 ft, 40 ft climbing

  • Darkvision 60 ft, Passive 13

  • Immune to cold damage

  • Suggested Average, Max HP: 51, 78

    • Yeti 1: 58 damage taken, 41 killing blow by Nott

    • Yeti 2: 61 damage taken, 10 killing blow by Beau

    • Yeti 3: 60 damage taken, 24 killing blow by Jester

    • Yeti 4: 56 damage taken, 11 HDYWTDT by Caduceus

Yetis are very familiar with the cold. They make their homes among the mountains, using their white fur to blend in with the snow and ice. They live to hunt whatever has the misfortune of coming their way, though they prefer herds of mountainous creatures to humanoids. 

This familiarity with the cold does make them somewhat vulnerable to fire. Although they don’t take extra damage from flame, their unfamiliarity with it causes them to fear it, which in turn forces them to roll with disadvantage on checks and attacks until their next turn… assuming they don’t get roasted again or live that long. 

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Thanks to @TriaElf9 for this art piece!

Sam: We need a counter for how many times she says, “ja.”
Travis: CritRoleStats is on the job.
Marisha: You don’t want to give them that task. That’s a fool’s errand.
Laura: Yeah, no, they’re like “…Why.”
Mica: Everybody just sighed at CritRoleStats.

Das stimmt, ja.

Number of times “ja” was said during Episode 2-75: 53
Number of times Marisha said “ja”: 40

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Media References and Puns of 2-75 Rime and Reason

Gelidon, a dragon tempered by time
Her mountain is settled in rime
Though the climate is freezin'
Yetis don't mind the season
Though they stay out when her anger is prime.

Media References

  • (0:02:07) Travis: Ch-ch-ch-Chia!

  • (0:04:30) Matt: But this month, Idle Champions is partnered with charity Take This

  • (0:07:06) Taliesin: I’ve been trying to get in that Winnie-the-Cube joke all week.

  • (0:07:25) Travis: I’ll send a special shoutout to All-Pro Center Travis Frederick and his D&D adventuring party, The Janitors, for allowing me and my brother to attend.

  • (0:18:57) Matt: The Swedish Wizard is my favorite addition to this campaign.

  • (0:37:40) Taliesin and Matt: She’s starting to believe! (The Matrix)

  • (0:37:46) Taliesin: Yours is a muppet.

  • (0:45:33) Mica: I’m like a Disney princess.

  • (0:53:27) Matt: The eagles return.  Sam: To Hotel California!

  • (1:02:53) Sam: Powered by Dwarven Forge. They just launched Plaguestone, a new line of sets tied to Pathfinder Second Edition. Check it out now at

  • (1:03:09) Taliesin: *singing* Oh the weather outside is frightful. (“Let It Snow”)

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Media References and Puns of 2-74 Manifold Morals

Hello from the otter side.

Media References

  • (0:00:35) Sam: A few of our cast members participated in a series called Fandom Uncovered

  • (0:07:07) Liam: We flew too close to the sun. (Myth of Icarus, “Burn” from Hamilton)

  • (0:09:15) Matt: ...featuring Amanda f***ing Palmer (NSFW)… [...] Marisha: And she just had a music video drop today.  Matt: Drowning in the Sound. (NSFW)

  • (0:13:18) Matt: I was not going to have another Noelle Stevenson happen.

  • (0:33:28) Travis: *singing* I feel pretty! (“I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story)

  • (0:45:10) Matt: ...of Banksy-level street art.

  • (0:48:10) Marisha: Oh hi Mark! (The Room)

  • (0:53:34) Jester: What if you’re stealing a loaf of bread to give to an orphan?  Sam: Like Les Mis!

  • (0:55:28) Travis: Kind of like a Room of Requirement. (Harry Potter)

  • (1:20:28) Matt: And they have a Lucky Cat in there…

  • (1:24:10) Matt: She’s essentially doing Sudoku or crossword puzzles.

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Monster Analysis: Remorhaz

Monster Analysis: Remorhaz

Thanks to @Minoukatze1 for this art piece!

The snowy slopes of the Flotket Alps can be a scary place. Orc raiding parties beset hapless travelers. The weather can be fatal for those unprotected against its frozen blast. Winter wolves prowl hungrily for their next meal… Though there’s always a bigger fish, isn’t there? Behold, the hottest AND coolest thing to burrow through the Greying Wildlands since white dragons!

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Media References and Puns of 2-73 Uthodurn

One Goth
Two Goth
Red Goth
Sam Riegel.

Media References

  • (0:01:22) Brian: In celebration of my favorite television show sadly coming to an end, my costume is a joke for exactly 23% of our audience. Here’s some of the names that were thrown backstage just now: Jenky Alexender, Kat Von D-Minus…

  • (0:02:10) Brian: I look like if Jared Leto’s Joker auditioned for John Wick.

  • (0:12:19) Matt: We welcome the wonderful musician, writer, and all around badass Amanda Palmer.

  • (0:18:57) Sam: Let’s follow it and go to Laura Dern.

  • (0:23:52) Caduceus: Make a Caleb-Fjord hot pocket

  • (0:24:25) Travis: Hot Pocket. Matt: I don’t think we can clear that. Liam: I think that’s “Goth Pocket.” Sam: Or a ‘Lock Pocket? Nope.

  • (0:25:10) Sam: S***ty s****ty s****ty bang bang. (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)

  • (0:38:45) Marisha: Oh Captain, My Captain.

  • (0:40:44) Liam: *singing* Copacabana! (Barry Manilow)

  • (0:46:47) Matt: Jester’s legs are now kicking out of its mouth like Audrey at the end of Little Shop of Horrors.

  • (0:47:09) Marisha: Save the unicorns! Sam: Save the world. (Heroes)

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Media References and Puns of 2-72 Clay and Dust

Uk’otoa may have needed Fjord more than he needed Uk’otoa, but we feel like it wouldn’t have been a lie if he had said, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

Media References

  • (0:04:10) Liam: Listen, folks. I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad under Riegel’s stewardship of D&D Beyond. The bits are getting longer, and the prep time is getting shorter. Misinformed players are getting TPKed across the globe. Matthew Mercer is hiding from Silly String under the table. His wife is punching players left and right and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the spots are unfit for broadcast and the details are factually incoherent, and we sit here watching our Twitch accounts while this organ grinder monkey would have us believe that D&D Beyond is about the yuks, and how many dicks we can slide into the conversation, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad — worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, and nobody questions it anymore. We sit at our tables, and slowly the game we enjoy is turning into Romper Room, and all we can do is say, 'Please, I love this game so much. Just give me my half-orc and hit dice. I promise I’ll listen to this madman’s wine preferences and awful accent work week after week. Critical Role, give me ten minutes of actual gameplay this week. I guess that’s enough.” But I say that’s not enough. I want you to get MAD! I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to write to Chris Perkins, because I don't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about this man’s ignorance of rogue mechanics or the flagrant firbolg shooting or the collusion with England and the constant ego fluffing. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to stand up, and say, “I'm a D&D Beyond user, god-dammit! These stats have value!” So, I want you all to get up. I want you to get up, out of you chairs. All of you, right now. I want you to go and spam the Twitch chat. Get up, and hammer that election box with your Johnson. I want you to create disgruntled fanart. I want you to get up and grab your computer, enable voice-to-text, and I want you to yell. I want you to yell, “I’m mad. MAD.” I want you to yell, “I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE SAM ANYMORE!” MORDENKAINEN IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE! (Network)

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Beyond the Decision: The Presidential Race for D&D Beyond

Beyond the Decision: The Presidential Race for D&D Beyond

As voters take to the polls for the presidency of D&D Beyond, we at CritRoleStats feel it important to review the intense political climate that has accompanied the 2019 race. While many constituents have already cast their vote, some may still find themselves on the fence. To that extent, we have not only compiled important moments from the respective campaign trails, but have taken statements from the candidates themselves. We’d like to thank all of the candidates for their valuable time and insights into this election.

This article is not sponsored by D&D Beyond nor any of the candidates. CritRoleStats does not endorse any of the candidates, and publishes this piece via the core principles of independence, transparency, accuracy, thorough reporting, and fairness to the parties and voting citizens alike. Candidates are presented in ascending alphabetical order only; no other significance should be interpreted.

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What We Know About Kravaraad and Star Razor

What We Know About Kravaraad and Star Razor

Thanks to @hierothraxs for this art piece!

The events of the King’s Cage rattled The Mighty Nein like few things have since half of the party was captured by smugglers on the road to Shadycreek Run. Grasping at straws for how to handle their situation and process their complicated emotions about Yasha, the Laughing Hand, Obann, and the Dwendalian Empire-Kryn Dynasty war, the Nein have settled on something tangible: going to Kravaraad, the volcano in the Flotket Alps that Caduceus envisioned in his connection to the Wildmother. The Nein are hoping to get answers to a variety of questions, and maybe even forge a sword while they’re there. We’ve seen some questions about this whole situation, so let’s dive into this volcano.

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Media References and Puns of 2-71 Family Gatherings

But I would walk five hundred miles
And I'd teleport five hundred more
Just to be the mom who reunited her fam
In midst of a war

Media References

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