How many kisses?

anonymous asks: How many kisses are mentioned/performed?

So, kisses are a tricky thing. Let’s start with canon, in-character kisses.

  1. Episode 3, 0:29:34 A catatonic Grog receiving a kiss “from female lips” (Vex) in hopes to restore his mind. (I would argue that Laura kissed Travis more than Vex kissed Grog, but hey, it happened.)
  2. Episode 6, 1:01:10 Scanlan kissing a Nat1-stealthing Percy, after his premonition about receiving a kiss from Pike (to prevent his own Nat1 stealth earlier) resulted in a diss.
  3. Episode 13, 1:36:05 Pike kissing Scanlan while they attempted to escape Yug’voril. This one was a whammy, and definitely worth the granted inspiration.
  4. Episode 13, 1:37:10 Vax kissing Percy. Less romantic, more humorous attempt at metagame. “It’s the start of something new.”
  5. Episode 15, 0:54:08 Vex kissing Percy after he creates a set of arrows for her. As he points out, “I’m getting to kiss everyone one in this game! I’ve already made my way through siblings.”
  6. Episode 19, 2:26:36 Scanlan’s appearance as Aldor results in Lyra being “just, in him.”
  7. Episode 21, 4:02:03 Keyleth and Kashaw. ‘Nuff said.
  8. Episode 22, 0:43:10 The argument regarding Keyshaw vs. sleeping in a tent with a sleep-talking librarian resulted in an extremely frustrated Vex laying one on Grog to shut him up, much to the confusion of… well, everyone.

In addition to these, we have Scanlan and Grog’s frequent forays to Houses of Lady Favors. You may wish to include their numerous hickies in episode 1 (that Vex also claimed to have after entertaining one of the Carvers). I am making a decision to exclude these.

In episode 19 (2:27:30), Lyra points out that Scanlan’s kiss wasn’t quite as good, implying that she and Aldor didn’t skip straight to “intercourse.” We’re also going to exclude these from the final count.

Okay, what about non-canon? Pike attempted to give Scanlan a kiss in Episode 6 (0:51:44) when Sam blew his stealth roll. Technically that one exists merely in an alternate dimension, as the Pike in the canon-verse did not realize the folly he was about to cause. Reality is malleable. (Also, check out 0:59:50 for a fantastic burn about missed opportunities.) In the same episode (Episode 6, 1:19:51), Scanlan attempts to get Pike to “make out” with him after knocking two Duergar off the ledge. Despite how hot it was, Canon Pike wisely decides to stay alert, resulting in a disappointed bard.

What about entirely OOC kisses? Orion is a particularly affectionate individual, especially since the new setup. We have the Mysterious Head Kiss that resulted in the Best Thursday Ever (to Matt, beginning of Episode 18). That was followed the next week by another Mysterious Head Kiss (“…That was weird.”). We also caught a stealthy head-kiss to Marisha during the battle with the Fire Elementals at (1:27:02), undoubtedly encouragement for playing such an emotional role.

There are plenty more after the game (donations and Critmas), and during the rest of the G&S Twitch stream (e.g., when Orion almost planted one on Becca’s lips when she turned her head). As this is Critical Role Stats, we will merely say, “So, that happened,” (to quote Matt) and not include these in the final tally.

I hope that answers your question. Thanks for the ask, and keep the requests coming, Critters!