Drink Responsibly, Critters.

imetamanwhowasatree asks: Hey there! I'm going to do the drinking game with a friend in the near future, and we were wondering what episode would be the best (or worst) one for us to rewatch... So: which episode has the highest drinking game score?

We’re sure most of you have heard of the Critical Role Drinking Game. After doing this study, we’re really wondering how many of you have managed to make it to the end of an episode while playing.

Quick Disclaimer: Critrolestats does not condone anyone below the drinking age their country has set playing this game. Also, don’t drink and drive. Bad idea. Just … Drink Responsibly.

Now, onto the fun! Instead of giving every episode a drinking game score, we decided to take two very different episodes of Critical Role and simulate playing the Drinking Game, for the sake of our livers. You’ll see why in a moment.

Here’s what we know about both episodes:

Episode Four

  • A classic Critical Role episode
  • Combat-heavy
  • No intermission

The lack of intermission makes up for Attack on the Duergar Warcamp being less than three hours long because, as we all know, the more drinks you have in a short amount of time, the more drunk you get. The heavy combat in the second hour also makes up for the thirty minutes or so Vox Machina spends trying to decide how they are going to get inside the Warcamp.

Episode Thirty-Eight

  • A new Critical Role episode
  • RP-heavy
  • Intermission

Because Echoes of the Past contains an intermission (i.e., a longer wait between drinks), a lot of role-playing moments, and almost no combat, you would assume that almost no drinks would be drunk. You would only be partially right. The Drinking Game has quite a few sips allotted to RP moments, such as Vex not trusting an NPC or Scanlan flirting with Pike. The sips triggered by Nat20s and Nat1s and the “finish your drink” triggers also helped increase the bottle count for this episode.

Analysis

Onto the actual numbers. We decided that we would be drinking a 12 oz. bottle of beer for this simulation and studies show that there are about 10.15 sips in one of these beers. Rounding down, that gives us ten tick marks to get to before a full drink is had. However, if a “finish your drink” trigger is said or done, we would mark a drink finished and start our tick marks over again.

We decided to track the BACs for an fairly average male and female, using this chart. The male weighs 180 lbs. and the female weighs 160 lbs. You’ll note that the chart says you should subtract 0.01% BAC from the total every 40 minutes, so that’s what we did.

And the final results? Episode Four, with a length of 2:36:28, caused us to “drink” eight full bottles of beer. That’s 3.2 bottles an hour, on average. The male BAC was 0.13, decidedly above the legal limit here in the United States and the female BAC was 0.19. Keep in mind that this was for a 160 lb. female. We can only imagine how sick (or close to death) a hypothetical woman below 140 lbs. would be.

Episode Thirty-Eight, with a length of 2:40:44, caused us to “drink” 5.3 full bottles of beer. That’s 2.12 bottles an hour, on average. The male BAC was 0.04 and the female BAC was 0.07, which is just shy of the legal limit of 0.08% here in the United States. This is much more like it. Pleasantly tipsy or pretty well on one’s way to drunk, giggling at every funny thing Scanlan says and screaming “Cordell, open another bottle!” right along with KiKi.

So, what have we learned? If you’re looking to get absolutely plastered, an episode you know is longer or combat-heavy is definitely the way to go. Try one of the boss battles. However, we recommend drinking a glass of water in-between every beer or cocktail, unless you want to get really sick. If you’re just looking for an excuse to have a few drinks one night, go with one of the RP-heavy episodes, like Shopping and Shipping. Maybe pre-game with a shot or two if you have a high Constitution modifier.