Thanks to Tressela for this piece!
As we finish catching up on all our Monster Analyses, we noticed that we skipped Scanlan’s one-gnome-stand against Duke Vedmeyer and his guards. Since it’s one of our all-time favorite moments in the series, we couldn’t let this go uncorrected.
When we attempted to compile stats, we realized why we skipped it: there are nearly none.
Regardless, we are going to give the goliath the respect he deserves with the rest of Vox Machina’s foes, and try to examine this one-sided fight.
- First Appearance: 31 Gunpowder Plot
- Class: Goliath Fighter?
- Armor Class ?
- Speed: 30 ft?
- HP: ?
- 34 taken by falling off the roof
As you can see, Scanlan’s heroics told us virtually nothing about Vedmeyer. All of the gnomes’ attacks targeted status effects instead of damage, and the one damaging spell he cast against Vedmeyer required a contested roll instead of pitting Scanlan against the duke’s armor class. We do know that Vedmeyer was nowhere near bloodied, but that hardly matters when he can’t access the lone intruder and his house is on fire.
We can also blame Matt’s terrible luck that evening, as Vedmeyer rolled two of Matt’s three announced Nat1s, one against constitution and the other against strength (both of which we suspect he would have been particularly strong against otherwise). Even the guards’ rare successful crossbow bolts against the gnome were barely enough to shake him out of his gleefully chaotic rampage.
- Turn into a triceratops and plow through the mansion’s entrance.
- Get stuck in a door, taking a few arrows to the butt.
- Bust through that door, revert back to gnome form, and wait for a wave of intruders.
- Cast Stinking Cloud on the entire group of defenders.
- Dive under the table before teleporting to the roof.
- Breathe fire onto the house he is standing on top of.
- Use a giant purple hand to shotput a much bigger and physically-intimidating foe off his own roof.
- Breathe fire into the attic of this same house, burning a few guards on their way up.
- Throw himself off the roof to be caught by said purple hand before running into the relatively-safer street where the locals are fighting a giant zombie.
- Sneak away, invisible, to go meet up with his friends.
Victory condition: Scanlan burned the house down, creating both a distraction for half of the Briarwood’s forces and a “signal” for the rest of Vox Machina to begin their assault on Count Tylieri. If anything was going to convince Scanlan that he was not an unstoppable god of death, this wasn’t it.