Oh it's been getting so hard
DMing for the first time on live TV
This game is getting so strange
I'd like you to strip to avoid lost ability
Oh, I see an elf who's got jack and craves old lady back
He's second to a dwarf who's well-hung
And the girl in the corner worships the god of disorder
And she has plans to kill everyone
Oh yeah! Bar was igniting!
Everybody was fighting
Kingston’s music was vicious
And Jayne’s whip was suspicious
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah
And the cat in the back said everyone attack
And it turned into a bar room blitz
And the wild magic sorcerer said girl I'm gonna burn you
It'll turn into a bar room blitz!
Bar room blitz, bar room blitz, bar room blitz, bar room blitz...
- (Title) Bar Room Blitz (“Ballroom Blitz” by The Sweet)
- (0:00:58) Eric: I just got off of my Uber shift.
- (0:04:34) Sam: Eric, anything to plug? Eric: Ducktales!
- (0:05:11) Ashly: OK K.O.!, which Mary’s also on, is out now on Cartoon Network!
- (0:24:50) Gryffin: Your book of poetry, Blackened White, was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read in my entire life.
- (0:40:28) Mary: *sings to the tune of "With Catlike Tread" from Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan*
- (0:40:37) Liam: It’s like in Assassin’s Creed.
- (0:40:40) Mary: Gilbert and Sullivan playing in the background.
- (0:43:15) Liam: A special shout-out to Dwarven Forge for sending me all this s*** two days ago!
- (0:44:09) Brian: Down, down, down to Kingston Town. (The Hobbit)
- (0:50:42) Sam: We’ll say this fine, young cannibal over here starts moving to get her weapon.
- (0:55:15) Sam: What’s your weapon? Eric: Hot dog buns. Brian: That can be brought down with some water. (Hot dog eating contests)
- (0:57:58) Eric: I have a feeling Kingston knows what I did to his wife [...] last summer. (I Know What You Did Last Summer)
- (1:01:21) Liam: *singing* --will never be satisfied. (“Satisfied” from Hamilton)
- (1:03:55) Several people, singing: Do you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man?
- (1:07:58) Ashly: *singing* UN-shrinkable! (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt)
- (1:20:36) Brian: Talk about f*** the police. (NWA) NSFW
- (1:28:02) Liam: Can’t get no respect. No respect. (Rodney Dangerfield)
- (1:35:18) Liam: I didn’t kill my wife! Mary and Liam: I don’t care! (The Fugitive)
- (1:37:10) Brian: *singing* I’m so excited! And I just can’t hide it! I know, I know, I know, I’m gonna kill you! (“I’m so Excited” by The Pointer Sisters)
- (1:38:40) Brian: I’m so...scared! (Saved by the Bell)
- (1:39:29) Mary: *singing* So take off all your clothes. (“Hot in Herre” by Nelly) NSFW
- (1:39:56) Liam: Oh man, the room has turned into TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!
- (1:40:20) Ashly: Can I go Donald Duck?
- (1:41:07) Brian: I’ll take off my Spanx.
- (1:41:32) Brian: So, Dan Harmon, basically.
- (1:42:20) Yeah, I look like Courtney Love, a little bit.
- (1:46:08) Ashly: I really want to do the Terminator thing where I walk through fire. Liam: I know now why you cry. Eric: *sinking thumbs up*
- (1:50:25) Brian: Now it’s a Momofuku?
- (1:50:32) Mary: It’s the place Sinatra used to go.
- (2:00:33) Liam: Tora lora lora…
- (2:01:06) Brian: Pour me some greep, boys, and f*** my tab, I wanna go home with this sexy cat and maybe Jayne… and definitely Kay. (“Drift Away” by Various Artists)
- (2:05:08) Liam: Help me, Gygax, you’re my only hope. (Star Wars)
- (2:05:36) Liam: Too many cooks… NSFW
- (2:06:53) Liam: It’s gotta be like Gilmore Girls dialogue.
- (2:07:25) Brian: Eric, what time do you need to start your maitre’d shift? Eric: At the Olive Garden? 10:00.
- (2:09:00) Mary: Jayne, you ignorant slut. (Saturday Night)
- (2:09:58) Brian: Violence is Jayne’s addiction. (Jane’s Addiction)
- (2:15:45) Brian: He’s going to be *singing* blinded by the light! Wrapped up like a… (“Blinded by the Light” by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band)
- (2:40:26) Brian: Am I like propeller guy in Titanic?
- (2:42:41) Brian: I sing, Let my a** lighten the way! Sam: To your heart! (“Let My Love Open the Door” by Pete Townshend)
- (2:47:30) Mary: *singing* It’s just a straight line. (“Straight Lines” by Silverchair)
- (2:47:42) Liam: *squeaky voice* Hail Satan! (South Park) NSFW
- (2:49:10) Mary: It’s like the girl from The Ring with white hair.
- (2:54:22) Mary and Ashly sing Amazing Grace.
- (3:01:28) Brian: I speak Staind, the band.
- (3:05:14) Brian: It’s like Tom Waits.
- (3:08:18) Brian: Boom Boom Pow! (Black Eyed Peas)
- (3:14:28) Liam: Sam has given us a Mensa challenge and we all die here.
- (3:20:04) Liam: I love me some Liam Neesons. (Key and Peele) NSFW
- (3:21:52) Liam: But, Eric can sound like Chris Rock!
- (3:22:20) Brian and Liam: 867-5309!
- (3:37:28) Mary: Diagon Alley. (Harry Potter)
- (3:38:30) Liam: Elizabeth Warren walks in. Mary: And Bernie Sanders.
- (3:42:12) Brian: I’m gonna do Vicious Mockery at Frank Grillo.
- (3:42:54) Brian: I was gone for a minute, but I’m back now. Sit the f*** back down. Seem everyday nowaday a Hollywood. [...] I’mma show all those motherf***ers how to act now. (“Everybody” by Logic) NSFW
- (3:43:49) Brian: I love Greep. I love cat people. What the hell am I doing here? (“Creep” by Radiohead)
- (3:45:28) Liam: Do the Leonidas handshake with me; that was amazing. (300)
- (3:47:09) Liam: Only the best people are in the cult, you'd be surprised. Mary, with hand gestures: The best. (SNL)
- (3:48:31) Frankfurt: I would like to use my Immodium AD...
- (3:54:30) Mary: She runs like Tom Cruise!
- (3:59:03) Eric: Graham Lunam, who I said I’d call out.
- (3:59:27) Eric: ...gotta cover my Olive Garden shift.
- (0:35:40) Obby: Do you have a beef with this gentleman? Kingston: Oh, there’s beef involved, all right.
- (1:01:11) Eric: I'm a little satisfied with what I did just now. Brian: I heard my wife was unsatisfied!
- (1:12:55) Interrogator: This guy, he slept with your wife. Kingston: Well, I’m pretty sure they f***ed first.
- (1:13:08) Interrogator: And that’s all the beef there was between you two? Kingston: That’s all the beef there was in my house that night, and there wasn’t any beef in there for a long time after.
- (1:23:54) Sam: This whore… Liam: Hey! You’ve known me for so long!
- (1:53:50) Clothesline: Hey, Gryffin, are you freshly laundered clothing? Because you’re about to get clotheslined!
- (2:19:20) Brian: And Eric Meowza!
- (2:44:27) Sam: What do you call a pile of tabaxi? A Meowntain.
- (3:50:21) Sam: He’s a centipeen.