Thanks to @hla_rose for this art piece!
It’s the gauntlet of guzzling, the field of flagons, the contest of consumption, the highway to hangovers, the tournament of turntdom. It’s… The Hour of Honor!
“When I clap hands together, you both drink. It’s not the first to finish, but it’s one drink after the next. First to pass out or lose their drink, forfeits. With your drinks full, lads, BEGIN!”
If you’re attempting to recreate this event at home, all you need is a lot of beer and a competitive spirit. (We strongly advise against this). The D&D game mechanics, on the other hand, are bit safer and much more reliant on chance: Two opponents roll simultaneous Constitution checks (not saving throws) for each drink consumed in the round. High roll wins that drink, low round takes a hit. First to lose on three drink checks loses the round, and first team to win three rounds claims the honor for the hour, and free drinks and the pot of the week!
This got us thinking. Considering that randomness is the primary determiner of the victor, what exactly were the odds for each drink? Let’s meet the contestants and see what they brought to the table!
Thanks to @GalacticJonah for this art piece!
Round 1: Duncan vs. Molly
- Duncan: +2 Constitution
- Molly: +2 Constitution
- Scenarios Duncan wins: 190 (47.5%)
- Scenarios Molly wins: 190 (47.5%)
- Ties: 20 (5%)
Mechanically, this was the most balanced encounter of the entire tournament, with equal +2 constitution modifiers for both competitors. Despite a slow start out of the gate, Molly quickly found the hang of the game with three back-to-back victories.
Round 2: Ruth vs. Beau
- Ruth: +2 Constitution
- Beau: +3 Constitution
- Scenarios Ruth wins: 173 (43.25%)
- Scenarios Beau wins: 208 (52%)
- Ties: 19 (4.75%)
Onto round 2, the battle of the resting b*** faces! This best of five encounter lasted six rounds thanks to a first drink tie. Beau was theoretically the stronger competitor here, but the pressure of the tavern chanting her name got the best of her, and Ruth took the second round for Ol’ Blemmy.
Round 3: Valkin vs. Caleb
- Valkin: +3 Constitution
- Caleb: +2 Constitution
- Scenarios Valkin wins: 208 (43.25%)
- Scenarios Caleb wins: 173 (52%)
- Ties: 19 (4.75%)
Bring on the battle of the nerds! Despite his looks, Valkin’s pre-game trash talking wasn’t all for show; he entered the battle as the stronger competitor. Maybe it was luck, or maybe Valkin was more distracted by Nott and Jester’s dance than he let on, but Caleb brought home a sudden-death victory with a resounding Natural 20.
Round 4: Tanya vs. Fjord
- Tanya: +3 Constitution
- Fjord: : +4 Constitution
- Scenarios Tanya wins: 173 (43.25%)
- Scenarios Fjord wins: 208 (52%)
- Ties: 19 (4.75%)
Next up, The Walking Brick against Bird-Eye Fjord! Despite being favored to win, Fjord stumbled on his second drink against Tanya, who seemed to have him beat for competitive drinking experience. Jester intervened mid-round, breaking out her Mirror Images. Though they didn’t seem to distract Tanya, they sure seemed to inspire Fjord. With an astonishing two Natural 20s, Fjord took what theoretically should have been the final round, The Nein having defeated Ol’ Blemmy’s Crew 3-1. “Never get in a drinking contest with a man of the sea.”
Round 5: Ol' Blemmy vs. Nott
- Nott: +2 Constitution
- Blemmy: +4 Constitution
- Scenarios Ol’ Blemmy wins: 225 (56.25%)
- Scenarios Nott wins: 157 (39.25%)
- Ties: 18 (4.5%)
Despite already winning the competition by default, this special face-off between Nott “Otto ‘I’ve Never Had a Drink Before in My Life’ The Bottomless Pit” the Brave and Ol’ Blemmy the Whale certainly seems a little more one-sided. In each average round, Ol’ Blemmy had the most lopsided of all odds up to this point (strictly numerically speaking, not necessarily where you want to go double or nothing).
However, the fate die Nott obtained from the dodecahedron brought the odds back in her favor. In just the round she had advantage, her odds of success went up to 54.29%, turning a clear opening failure into a strong start. Nott used her opening momentum to drive it home, struggling only once after showing off. Ol’ Blemmy may have more experience and a lineage of strong constitution, but you can’t speak for goblin efficiency.
Thanks to @GamerwaMonocle for this art piece!