Puns of Honey Heist 2: Electric Beargaloo

Thanks to @StinabArt for this art piece!

There were 143 puns in this episode.

143, and we're only counting the repeated ones like Bearacuda and High Bear Nation once each. Over a third of them were dick jokes.

We’d like to remind you that we have a Ko-Fi if you’re able to ease our suffer– we mean, demonstrate your gratitude for collecting these.

Bears and Honey

  • (0:05:42) Marisha: Is Tova from the High Bear Nation.
  • (0:05:54) Marisha: Hello, Mama’s Bear.
  • (0:07:06) Marisha: They’re representatives of the Bearacuda.
  • (0:07:13) Marisha: ...we’ve gotten word that their leader, Hattori Bongo.
  • (0:07:37) Marisha: It’s also known as Fort Lox.
  • (0:17:09) Brian: Give him some bearnadryl!
  • (0:18:34) Brian: What kind of gold are they offering? And by gold, I mean honey, because it’s gold.
  • (0:19:52) Liam: What’d you say, Sweets Brothers? Are we back in business?  Taliesin: He certainly sweetened the pot for me.
  • (0:27:09) Brian: I ran a few side jobs for this guy, Vinnie the Pooh.
  • (0:29:51) Liam: Ka-bear!
  • (0:34:56) Sam: Wow. Bear-vantage.
  • (0:57:55) Brian: I think he’s trying to make it his PoO: Point of Operation. Vinnie: I don’t like that. There’s only one Pooh. Brian: And that’s you, my friend.
  • (1:02:30) Liam: I would like to talk up a beartender, a lady beartender.
  • (1:05:56) Sam: You don’t need all those riches and luxuries. You just need the bare necessities.
  • (1:08:25) Brian: I know those guys. Not those ones; the polar opposites.
  • (1:19:59) Matt: I can’t bear this tension you’re building here!
  • (1:31:29) Matt: You don’t want to deal with any rain clouds.
  • (1:39:32) Sam: Yeah, thank you beary much. And bearwell.
  • (1:39:40) Brian: You’re dis-koala-fied.
  • (1:45:22) Matt: Okay, let’s case the joint and get our bearings.
  • (1:48:12) Matt: Give him something to say “oh bother” about.
  • (1:52:35) Matt: It was good, it was the other way around. It was bearly there.
  • (2:03:36) Liam: I’m gonna bear-kour off the wall...
  • (2:03:49) Taliesin: That’s a bear hug, I imagine.
  • (2:06:54) Matt: Sorry, it’s hard to bear all this violence around me.
  • (2:07:07) Liam: While they do that I’m gonna practice my capo-bear-a moves.
  • (2:12:43) I’ve been doing Bear-90-X.
  • (2:13:02) Taliesin: You get that from the B-90-X?
  • (2:15:51) Sam: He’s got the right to bear arms, it’s OK. Liam: We are so sorry.
  • (2:19:02) Sam: It’s written in sema-bear.
  • (2:23:28) Matt: If it gets real bad and anyone’s hurting, we’ll all sally up and form a bearier to protect them. Sam: A bearricade.
  • (2:24:35) Sam: Oh yeah, I was bearn ready… Nope.
  • (2:24:51) Brian: Mazel-paws.
  • (2:26:37) Marisha: This here, this is Baloo-tonium!
  • (2:32:11) Liam: Cookie remembers his training with Yogi Bear-a.
  • (2:37:32) Liam: I can’t bear it, I can’t bear it!
  • (2:39:50) Marisha: You’ve been honey-boarded.
  • (2:42:35) Sam: He committed beary-kari.
  • (2:45:53) Marisha: Thank you for joining us, is it Bearsday yet?

Dick Jokes

  • (0:31:25) Liam: I do not nut in butt hatches.
  • (0:40:34) Liam: You mean we fit like this?
  • (0:48:12) Brian: I’m thirsty.
  • (0:52:30) Marisha: Didn’t expect to see you coming around here.  Brian: Most people don’t.
  • (1:10:20) Marisha: Have you ever tried having sex in the middle of f***ing frigid temperatures, man? It’s hard! Right? Brian: It stays hard, too.
  • (1:10:42) Marisha: Yeah, stop hammering and criticizing our dicks!
  • (1:10:56) Sam: Looking at your dick right now, it seems just below average, just below. Marisha: That’s because it’s not just below freezing, man.
  • (1:12:32) Liam: Wait wait wait, I want a little explanation, don’t just whip it out on us, all right? Marisha: Well how else am I gonna get the game out of the box?
  • (1:12:40) Marisha: It’s not a dick in a box; it’s a game in a box!
  • (1:12:48) Brian: I think their campaign slogan should be “I was in the pool.”
  • (1:14:25) Marisha: If a dick falls, that’s no one’s fault, and that’s what we’re trying to communicate.
  • (1:14:38) Liam: In gameplay terms, is there any way to get the dick back up? Marisha: Unfortunately, no. Isn’t it depressing? Matt: That’s really unfortunate. I’m feeling for your plight the more we have this conversation. Liam: It’s an age-old problem.
  • (1:14:56) Matt: To be fair, Peddy, I hear some of your people have a hard time with keeping their dicks up for awhile, too.
  • (1:15:54) Brian: Put some meat in his mouth immediately.
  • (1:15:58) Liam: It’s just like Waffle and my grandpappy said: “Jiggle it a little bit!” You gotta be tender, but sometimes you gotta be hard.
  • (1:16:34) Sam: If we win this game…  Brian: We keep the dicks!
  • (1:16:52) Marisha: Are you kidding me, no one can get into Fort Lox, it’s impenetrable! Not like our mates!
  • (1:17:33) Brian: We can handle distribution.
  • (1:18:03) Liam: I can’t help but think, every game I’ve enjoyed involves balls.
  • (1:18:21) Brian: That’s a real edgelord thing to do.
  • (1:19:02) Liam: He’s gonna cock it up! He’s gonna cock it up!
  • (1:19:19) Brian: How many times do we have to hit it?
  • (1:19:32) Liam: I’m just gonna hammer it, just gotta tap it and tap it, y’know, you just gotta tap it.
  • (1:19:56) Liam: You’re exploding all over the place, Peddy!
  • (1:21:14) Liam: This is gonna be a little hard. On. Me.
  • (1:21:18) Sam: Just keep those blocks erect and you’ll be okay.
  • (1:21:21) Taliesin: More rhythm, more rhythm. Slowly. (...) That’s good, nice medium pace.
  • (1:21:23) Brian: Go between the dicks, that’s what I always say.
  • (1:21:44) Marisha: I appreciate your guys’ gentleness and candor with keeping the dicks on the board for as long as possible.
  • (1:22:05) Liam: All right Waffle, use those smarts. Hang some brain!
  • (1:22:23) Brian: Is the name of this game ‘Taint Tapping?’
  • (1:23:28) Brian: A guy as good-looking as you hasn’t gotten this far without tapping a few dicks, though, right? Liam: You don’t know what I’ve tapped. Brian: I’d like to. Liam: We’ll talk about that later.
  • (1:23:55) Brian: That dick was on the top, and now it’s on the bottom.
  • (1:24:05) Brian: He’s hanging by a pube, guys.
  • (1:24:15) Marisha: It’s vibrating all over.  Brian: That’s normal.
  • (1:24:25) Liam: Bear’s still up! Unlike you fellas.
  • (1:24:55) Sam: It really gripped me, and pulled me. Tugged me right into the game.
  • (1:25:00) Matt: I’m glad it could bring all five of us to a very dramatic climax. Sam: Simultaneously.
  • (1:25:09) Brian: This was a good excuse to make a circle of us jerks.
  • (1:25:15) Taliesin: And we’re spent.
  • (1:25:20) Sam: I’m gonna just go to sleep.
  • (1:25:57) Brian: You should name it Just the Tap.
  • (1:26:35) Brian: As usual, I could not remember if I was supposed to hit the dicks or not.
  • (1:26:46) Liam: I mean, you could massage it a little, y’know, finesse it, but you don’t wanna mash it.
  • (1:26:52) Brian: I feel like we should have said something to them about size not mattering.
  • (1:28:52) Marisha: We are resuming the game. And not Just the Tap.
  • (1:39:02) Marisha: There’s honey all over that fort. Brian: Y’know, my first wife said that to me on our wedding night.
  • (2:05:07) Liam: Don’t worry, it’s just the tap.
  • (2:12:45) Matt: I can tell, you’re making all the beavers jealous. Brian: I make all the beavers jealous where I’m from. I also make them happy.
  • (2:29:34) Sam: Wait a second, you’re gonna have to shoot balls in his mouth. Taliesin: It’s not my first rodeo. Matt: We knew you were fit for the task, Taliesin!
  • (2:30:04) Brian: You gotta push them to the front, you gotta get it just to the tip there.
  • (2:30:18) Taliesin: It was an accidental misfire. Brian: It was a premature misfire.
  • (2:32:28) Liam: Shoot it in his mouth, Waffle!
  • (2:32:35) Brian: Get both of the balls in his mouth, quick!
  • (2:33:04) Brian: You’re at a bad angle for ball insertion.
  • (2:39:44) Brian: I’m really good at forcing people to swallow things.
  • (2:44:03) Taliesin: Don Nuts.

Thanks to @domirine for this art piece!

Other

  • (0:08:01) Marisha: A man named Kody. Kody Yak.
  • (0:08:36) Marisha: ...with your interests in the Slayer’s Cake...
  • (0:20:06) Brian: Let’s do it!  Sam: One more time for time for old time’s sake?  Brian: One more old time for your sake, yeah! Sam: Forsaking it for the olds!  Brian: We’re going to forsake all others. Taliesin: Let’s forsake that time for the one more.  Brian: Carp the DMs!
  • (0:23:11) Brian: I’ll be at the front. I’ll be at the back. I’ll be everywhere you need me.
  • (0:23:36) Sam: I got the jitters. I got the shakes. I got the bear legs. I got the upstreams.
  • (0:25:25) Brian: You know how I feel about things being intrinsic rather than complemented.
  • (0:25:45) Matt: But seriously, get with the program.  Brian: I’ve been with the program for years; it’s not helping.
  • (0:26:20) Liam: We’re going to beat this Bongo motherf***er like a drum!
  • (0:26:45) Brian: I might know a thing or two about bongos.
  • (0:30:37) Brian: Don’t f*** with the muscle before it’s had the chance to flex.
  • (0:31:00) Brian: Is there a hat-chery around?
  • (0:31:18) Taliesin: Nothing But Hats!
  • (0:50:34) Brian: This is why these guys paid me in margarine instead of honey.  Liam: I can’t believe it’s not butter!
  • (1:03:00) Liam: Lady Vic Squalia is my uh…
  • (1:09:02) Marisha: Do you guys have a minute to talk to the Pole-Air Rising?
  • (1:12:04) Marisha: We’re out here, trying to have it beta-tested. We can’t test it, ‘cause we’re alphas! We’re looking for betas to give us feedback.
  • (1:13:23) Matt: I’ve traveled with this group of gentlemen for quite some time, and you won’t find a better group of betas this side of Tal’dorei.
  • (1:13:31) Marisha: That’s why we’ll never go into alpha testing with our game, only beta.
  • (1:13:38) Brian: Alpha’s been known to work sometimes.
  • (1:17:21) Brian: Yeah, we’ll Kickstart those games off the cart about 15 feet from when we leave these guys.
  • (1:17:53) Brian: It’s a high boom.
  • (1:30:20) Brian: We all pooh down here.
  • (1:34:41) Matt: The Pooh Junior? The tiniest Pooh you’ve ever seen.
  • (1:36:28) Taliesin: Woothless? We need some wooth, he’ll never see it coming. Liam: Who’s Rufus.
  • (1:36:39) Brian: I lost my wooth when I was twelve. Matt: I had mine removed. It got inflamed when I was in high school.
  • (1:44:48) Liam: Let’s find that Pooh-hole!
  • (1:47:51) Liam: Tear that motherf***er a new poo-hole. (...) Brian: I could give him three good-sized poo holes.
  • (1:55:47) Liam: Trinket’s been hanging out with that what’s his face? He’s half an albino. Taliesin: Quincy! Liam: Quincy, yeah the detective. He makes stuff. Taliesin: Qunicy with the bolo, y’know. Sam and Brian: Quincy de bolo.
  • (1:56:25) Liam: Make a bolo check.
  • (1:56:36) Talisin: This is a bolo thing. Liam: When are bolos gonna come back into fashion?
  • (1:57:00) Marisha: Luckily with Percy as your patron saint right now- Matt: Quincy. Marisha: Yeah, Quincy with a bolo. Brian: Quincy with a bolo instead of Percy de Rolo? Liam: Welcome to 90 seconds ago, Las Vegas.
  • (1:57:31) Matt: You can’t build something this unique and not give it a name. I suggest Good Tidings.
  • (2:03:07) Brian: Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas.
  • (2:06:09) Taliesin: Shhh, go to sleep. Go to sleep. They’ll be waffles in the morning, go to sleep.
  • (2:07:24) Sam: Put these wads of fabric in your mouth. They’re mufflers.
  • (2:08:57) Marisha: They changed my name to Wagyu.
  • (2:10:50) Brian: Like Yak-In-a-Box?
  • (2:13:04) Brian: I also leave their whores- holes- alone. Liam: You failed twice in one second.
  • (2:15:03) Brian: I think that might be a Hattori Bong.
  • (2:19:09) Liam: Oh, it’s covered in giliphs.
  • (2:29:29) Liam: Matt and I just learned that seven days without a pun makes one weak.
  • (2:35:04) Matt, reading the potion: I’ve run out of passions.
  • (2:41:22) Liam: Bongo is no long-o.
  • (2:42:28) Brian: I’ll tell them he died to a yak attack.
  • (2:43:54) Brian: Oh, it was Don Quixote, I remember it now.
  • (2:44:13) Liam: Don Mario Brothers.
  • (2:44:14) Matt: Don Fettuccine. Sam: We are now banned in Italy.