Crash Pandas: Too Trashed, Too Curious Masterpost

Thanks to @sephiramy for this art piece!

Car Names

Select your vehicle. Then poison the driver.

  • (0:15:00) R.E.V. Speedwagon: Burnt umber 1978 caprice station wagon

  • (0:15:09) Taxicab Concussions: Beat-up NYC Taxicab with the doors painted shut.

  • (0:15:16) Victor von Vroom: Green Corvette that looks zippy but hard to control

  • (0:15:24) The Exterminator: Royal blue exterminator van with Pest Control emblazoned on the side

  • (0:15:33) Mr. Fastee: A huge ice cream truck

  • (1:38:02) Sasscar: An adorable little mini roadster racer.

  • (1:38:32) Mothah Truckah: A tweaked-out GMC pickup that looks steady but slow, but very firm.

  • (1:38:50) Actual Vin Diesel: A supercharged engine.

  • (1:39:32) The Champion, a.k.a. Roadkill: Yellow and blue customized Ferrari with claws out front, its hood ornamented with a raccoon skull.

  • (1:40:30) This Guy On A Motorcycle.

Sam Knows Cars

“A few caveats before we begin. Number one: I don’t know anything about cars, or engines, or wheels. Anything that I describe about a car will be wrong.” Regardless, we draw on this vast encyclopedia of “knowledge.”

  • (0:21:05) Goober wants to look for modified exhaust pipes or nitrous tanks. That ends up requiring him to pry open “the back hood” to see that the engine is in the back of the van, and then unscrews a cap of some sort to find that thing that Goober said before.

  • (0:26:10) Goober asks about one of the van’s door handles. Sam: Is that what they’re called?

  • (0:29:36) Sam describes how Reggie hotwires a car by putting two hanging wires together

  • (0:38:13) There’s a rope for ringing a bell in the ice cream truck

  • (0:42:08) Sam: It shatters the exterminator’s front window. Front window?! I don’t even know the word windshield!

  • (0:46:34) Covering a tire in duct tape makes it weirdly stronger than all the other tires.

  • (1:04:17) Sam: Carburetors? Afterburners? Spoilers?

  • (1:25:40) Blair: You should tell us four more car parts. Sam: You have... a ball peen, you have a ring rack, you have spinners, and you have NOx, you have nitrous oxide.

  • (1:29:50) Sam: You guys have been huffing some carbon dioxide and you’re seeing some crazy s***. Carbon monoxide. I don’t know anything!

  • (1:41:40) Sam: You definitely get to unscrew the gas cap of his car. Marisha: Shouldn’t be proud of that.

  • (2:18:35) Sam: The banana peel goes up into the wheel well! Axles?

  • (2:22:35) Sam: Which, as we car experts know...

  • (2:29:10) Sam: Fires his afterburners. I don’t know what they do!

  • (2:32:30) Goober is able to dial down the sensitivity of the speedometer!

  • (2:39:02) Taking out the front engine-- There’s a front engine. There’s a back engine and a front engine.

Items Won From the Dump

But really, though, this was an excuse to pelt a blinded Mercer with ping pong balls. For charity.

  • (1:23:52) A bag of sand

  • (1:23:53) A small sail and mast

  • (1:24:03) Flame decals

  • (1:24:08) BBQ tools: tongs, skewers, and kerosene

  • (1:24:16) A fully loaded brand new in-box PS4 with an old t-shirt cannon taped to the bottom

Media References


  • (0:07:05) Sam: Scene One: A Dry River Runs Through It.

  • (0:08:42) Marisha: I’m pretty good on Animalgram.

  • (0:11:06) Laura: They were showing this movie called The Fost and the Furriest!

  • (0:50:20) Sam: In the end, she does a Vroomerang…

  • (0:55:35) Sam: Chapter Two: How to Train Your Dragster.

  • (1:15:00) Blair: I’ve got another... duty for you?

  • (1:23:10) Sam: I forgot, that chapter was called Greed for Speed.

  • (1:23:15) Sam: So we’ll move on to Chapter Four: Days of Blunder.

  • (1:34:12) Sam: Chapter Five: Fast and Loose Ends.

  • (1:34:50) Blair: Would they be... ratling guns?

  • (1:36:32) Sam: Chapter Six: Furry Road.

  • (1:50:50) Sam: You’re so hairy you gave your mama rugburn!

  • (2:33:43) Sam: Chobot must destroy, Chobot must destroy.

  • (2:40:48) Liam: Are you the top or the bottom? Matt: You know, for you? I’ll be the bottom.