Uk’otoa may have needed Fjord more than he needed Uk’otoa, but we feel like it wouldn’t have been a lie if he had said, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
(0:04:10) Liam: Listen, folks. I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad under Riegel’s stewardship of D&D Beyond. The bits are getting longer, and the prep time is getting shorter. Misinformed players are getting TPKed across the globe. Matthew Mercer is hiding from Silly String under the table. His wife is punching players left and right and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the spots are unfit for broadcast and the details are factually incoherent, and we sit here watching our Twitch accounts while this organ grinder monkey would have us believe that D&D Beyond is about the yuks, and how many dicks we can slide into the conversation, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad — worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, and nobody questions it anymore. We sit at our tables, and slowly the game we enjoy is turning into Romper Room, and all we can do is say, 'Please, I love this game so much. Just give me my half-orc and hit dice. I promise I’ll listen to this madman’s wine preferences and awful accent work week after week. Critical Role, give me ten minutes of actual gameplay this week. I guess that’s enough.” But I say that’s not enough. I want you to get MAD! I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to write to Chris Perkins, because I don't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about this man’s ignorance of rogue mechanics or the flagrant firbolg shooting or the collusion with England and the constant ego fluffing. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to stand up, and say, “I'm a D&D Beyond user, god-dammit! These stats have value!” So, I want you all to get up. I want you to get up, out of you chairs. All of you, right now. I want you to go and spam the Twitch chat. Get up, and hammer that election box with your Johnson. I want you to create disgruntled fanart. I want you to get up and grab your computer, enable voice-to-text, and I want you to yell. I want you to yell, “I’m mad. MAD.” I want you to yell, “I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE SAM ANYMORE!” MORDENKAINEN IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE! (Network)
(0:07:51) Liam: Kids in 2019 love homages to movies from the 70s!
(0:11:05) Matt: And a guy named Lin showed up.
(0:13:09) Laura: This chibi design is by Jenny Park.
(0:14:12) Taliesin: Somewhere, there is a parent who realizing that he has to explain to their child what Network is now.
(0:14:40) Marisha: Like a Tisch School of the Arts audition.
(0:22:11) Taliesin: Fraggle Rock.
(0:26:49) Sam: I’ll go next, sipping on some-- Travis: Gin and juice? Travis and Marisha: I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind. (“Gin and Juice” by Snoop Dogg)
(0:29:05) Matt: Whatever this was, it was jettisoned out by an ancient explosion. Laura: It’s graphite. We’re f***ed! Matt: Your hand begins to tingle, Caduceus. (HBO’s Chernobyl)
(0:43:51) Matt: Very Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.
(0:51:59) Liam: Pied Piper of smut.
(1:01:47) Liam: I’ve been to Yellowstone, sulphurous means it smells like farts here.
(1:01:52) Matt: In Rotorua, New Zealand, I still have clothes that smell like it.
(1:06:37) Travis: *singing* America, f*** yeah! (Team America World Police NSFW)
(1:13:40) Sam: 4G negative dive. Travis: Because I was inverted. *coughs* Bulls***. (Top Gun)
(1:19:49) Travis: Now we got Hedwig over here. (Harry Potter)
(2:00:55) Matt: Essentially the Hattori Hanzo of this realm.
(2:41:15) Taliesin: Siggle. Matt: It’s the city. (City of Sigil)
(2:47:21) Sam: Sam Elliott.
(3:08:47) Liam: (singing) Whatever Uk’otoa wants, Uk’otoa gets. (“Whatever Lola Wants” by Sarah Vaughan)
(3:22:45) Taliesin: I think we’re making our way-- Sam and Laura: Downtown. (“A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton)
(3:34:29) Nott: Well hell.
(3:36:40) Taliesin: Leader of the f***ing pack! (“Leader of the Pack” by The Shangri-Las)
(0:01:06) Sam: My fellow Sam-ericans...
(0:51:29) Jester: Kravaraad needs a little steaminess to heat it up!
(1:00:27) Jester: Matilda Merceria.
(1:17:22) Sam: Maybe one of the eagles could. They’re busy playing Hotel California.
(2:12:58) Marisha: Have you read Ghost Dick? Same author. [...] Caleb: It’s a crime story.
(3:24:37) Taliesin: It technically would be a Clay oven.