Dalen's Closet Masterpost

It’s Vox Machina. Even the wedding is a journey.

PC Nat1s

  • Vex’ahlia (2:27:04) Death Save

DM Crits:

  • Vampire 2 (Nat20, 1:35:02) Claw against Grog

  • Vampire (Nat20, 3:10:25) Claw against Grog

PC Nat20s

  • Grog (1:08:03) Constitution Save

  • Pike (1:43:23) Guiding Bolt against Vampire 3 with disadvantage

  • Trinket (1:47:16) Claw against Vampire 3 with advantage

  • Derrig (1:54:40) Survival Check

  • Vex’ahlia (2:03:24) Headbutt against Sylas

  • Grog (2:43:02) Strength Check with advantage

Grog’s Names for Derrig

  • (0:50:31) Deckard

  • (0:50:40) Dacard

  • (1:11:09) Duergar

  • (1:29:02) Dmitri


  • (2:21:01) Keyleth: Water Elemental (Wild Shape)

  • (2:21:23) Scanlan: Dolphin (Polymorph)

  • (2:32:12) Keyleth: Water Elemental (Wild Shape)

  • (2:34:22) Percy: Raven (Polymorph by Scanlan)

  • (2:52:05) Keyleth: Earth Elemental (Wild Shape)

  • (3:31:27) Keyleth: Air Elemental (Wild Shape)

  • (3:44:22) Scanlan: Triceratops (Polymorph)

Keyleth’s Alternate Titles

  • (0:24:37) Keyleth of the Air Ashari

  • (0:24:39) Voice of the Tempest

  • (0:24:41) Vinespeaker

  • (0:41:58) Tempest

  • (0:52:19) Tempe

  • (0:52:23) Big T

  • (0:52:28) Kaitiyake

  • (0:53:32) The Chief

  • (0:53:37) Chief T

  • (0:53:39) Chief Kief

  • (0:53:49) Chiefleth

  • (0:55:19) Chief T-Kief

Scanlan’s Songs

  • (1:53:44) (Inspiration to Derrig) Derrig the Brave is married to his wife, he’s always tired from his four tykes. He has ten toes and he owns a sword, that’s all I know and no more. The boring ballad! The boring ballad! The boring ballad of Derrig. He calls a friend the Tempest or Chief, his sword goes into a back sheath. He can make three attacks and never four, that’s all I know of him, nothing more. The boring ballad! The boring ballad! The boring ballad of Derrig.

  • (3:07:36) (Inspiration to Grog) Oh well it’s just like the ocean, right over there where the bride and groom died and it made me really scared, I’ve got a lot of moves, but I can’t do this alone, so do something cool, make it quick, or else forget about it! (“Smooth” by Santana ft. Rob Thomas)

  • (3:25:52) (Inspiration to Derrig) You got skills, they’re multiplyin’, but you’re losin’ control. With the power I’m supplyin’, it’s inspirational-fying! (“You’re The One That I Want” from Grease)

Rehearsal Dinner Speeches

Keyleth’s Speech

(1:01:06) Keyleth: Hello, everybody. Most of you probably know me, but for those who don’t, I’m Keyleth.

Grog: CHIEF T!

Gilmore: Yes, indeed!  Matt: You see Gilmore clap.

Keyleth: Those are my friends in the back, we go way back. So, I am the best man to Percy, sorry, gotta pull up my magical notes here. You see, I wasn’t actually asked to write a speech or be Percy’s best man until literally hours ago, which probably says more about me than it does Percy, now that I think about it. But, here we are--

Vex’ahlia: It’s only because it was assumed, darling.

Keyleth: Oh, it’s fine, I just get nervous. Um, but you know, kind of miss your impulsive side! You know, back when you had a smoke monster in you, and you were attached to that, and-- which isn’t a, um, oh this is so stereotypical.

Scanlan: Another drink over here, please!

Keyleth: In all honesty, Percy is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother, and Vex is most definitely the closest thing I could ever want for a sister. And, all of Vox Machina is my chosen family. Which, not to diss real family, but I feel like it’s a little bit more empowered, because you made that choice, and I will honor that choice, now, forever, and whichever plane we end up on, I guess. To the bride and groom.

Taryon’s Speech

(1:04:24) Taryon: All right, settle in, and prepare to be dazzled. Doty, take this dow-- DO NOT READ THAT PART. Okay. I, Taryon Gary Darrington, have been awarded many honors my life and career. The honor of serving as a full member of the mighty Vox Machina. The honor of leading the even mightier Darrington Brigade. The many awards and honors I have received as an acclaimed author (side note: my suitcase is full of copies of my latest book, Blonde on Blonde: An Authorized Biography of a Legend. If you want a signed copy, see me later).

But the highest honor I have ever received in my short and exciting life has been that of standing beside my best friend and favorite late-night gossip buddy, Vex’ahlia, as her man of honor. Vex, you and I have something in common. When I met your husband, I, too, was smitten by him (as a friend, of course). We bonded over science, and… (sigh)

Science can explain so much. But it can’t explain everything. For instance, when Percy kisses you at dusk, physics can explain the beautiful colors that paint the sky. When you heart beats faster when he approaches, biology can explain why. Engineering can help him master the inner workings of a complicated clock, so that he knows what time it is to make you dinner when you’re coming home. But the one thing science cannot explain is the mysteries of passion. When he aims his gun, doesn’t a small part of you get jealous for the target for stealing his attention for just a moment?

When you call him darling, I’ve seen his hand tremble as if it knows no word more magical than that one. Your love for each other has crossed continents, pierced dimensions, traversed planes of existence. You have stood in the face of gods, literal gods, and yet, Percy’s face is the one burned into your head at night when you lay down to rest. Yes, science brought Percy and I together, but love is what brought you and he together. It will sustain both of you, as well as your many, many fancy children, for eternity. Do we understand love? No. There’s no need. But large or small, cunning or naive, rich or poor, all of us at this wedding cherish it. And so, a toast. To me, for making an excellent speech! Hear, hear!


Opening Remarks

(3:45:03) Pike: Hello everyone, one and all! Welcome to this most blessed union of two of my best friends in the whole wide world. (Don’t worry, Grog, you’re my very very bestest friend.) I feel so lucky that I was chosen to marry these two most wonderful people. You have all traveled a great distance to join in this celebration, and a celebration it will be. The two here are my family, a family we have all chosen. Lady Vex’ahlia, my sister, and Lord Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, my brother. My life is richer for having known you. And speaking of, well, we were supposed to do this tomorrow. I was going to put an empty chair here for Vax so that, wherever you are, we have a seat here waiting for you.

Vex, mother of bears and wayward souls. You are loyal, you love fiercely, and above all, you are kind. Percy, you are dashing, you are loyal, and you love fiercely, and although you wouldn’t want anyone to know it, you are very, very kind. You are now embarking on a journey of love, a love train, so spoil each other. Make each other laugh. Encourage each other. Comfort each other. But most importantly, have lots and lots of sex. And please, for Auntie Pike, have lots and lots of babies.

Well, now it’s time for your vows. Who would like to go first?

Percival’s Vows

(3:47:37) Percy: When I met you, I was at the lowest place I had ever been. I was barely human. I had lost anything that mattered, and I had sunk into a deep, over-romantic shadow. And then this new family came along, and you came along, and slowly, through time and experience, I learned from you that you can have a romanticized notion of the darkness within yourself, but that darkness must be cast by some light, and there’s no sense not romanticizing that, as well, and that I could myself in that again. Every time I thought I would sink, I would see your face. Your face, the first time I truly lost control, and you told me to take off the mask. You have given me a future I had cheaply sold away. You have given me a family I thought forever lost, and a future I was prepared to sacrifice for something so trivial, I literally just watched you take it. And it means nothing compared to this. I promise to walk into the future with you. I promise to build a family with you. And I promise to always be here for an adventure with you.

Vex’ahlia’s Vows

(3:49:52) Vex’ahlia: Percival. Darling. F***, haha. I don’t know when it happened, when I fell. I sat down and tried to write vows and pinpoint the moment. Was it when I first met you, dressed in rags, starved? Was it when I saw you overcome that darkness inside, standing tall and proud and unbroken? I thought for sure it was when you stood next to me and helped me face fears I hadn’t spoken aloud, and support me in a way that no one other than my brother had ever done. But honestly, even by that point, I‘d fallen. I think it happened through all the little moments that I didn’t even notice. You sleeping on my shoulder in the Feywild, or when I saw you bend over, laughing so hard you spit chicken out of your mouth because Scanlan had an arrow in his neck. I think I never expected anyone to mean as much to me as-- as Vax’ildan. To be important to me, to feel like another half. There was a hole in my heart, and I truly believe the only reason I didn’t perish from it is because you were holding my heart so tightly. I thank the gods I gave it to you. It is yours, forever and always. I love you, dear. And I am so glad we are together.